Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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