Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
