How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
