Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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