Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
