those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
How's work?
Spinning.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
