Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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