she woke up with a sticky ear
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
