I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
