You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
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The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
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I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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