Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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