I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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