Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
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This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
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You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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