sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
