Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
