Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
