and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
she smelled like a LAN party
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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