Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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