Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
