Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
