i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
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