Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
