I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
