my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
