i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
