jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I could make wine with my vomit
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
