It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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