ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
