Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
