This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
