So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
