oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
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She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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