what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
