Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
