Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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