Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
