Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
