Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
