Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
There r osticjed everywhere
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
