Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
