I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
