saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
its liver damage thursday
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
