you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
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