just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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