Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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