Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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