Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
