a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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