They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
