I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
