apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
