honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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