Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
birth control should be required to get into college
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
