just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
