you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
What a dumb baby whore.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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