i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
