Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
