Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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