Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
