im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
