And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
