we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
