cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
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