Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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