i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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