wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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