My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
