i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
