We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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