Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
