Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
