Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
